I’m atop a mountain that I have just conquered with my arms wide open, wind rushing through me, and feeling the most free I ever have.
God has been doing so much in my life these past few weeks. He’s set me free from some of my fears and from things that I was attached to that weren’t healthy for me. He’s teaching me to release things that He no longer wants me to hold on to. He’s taught me how to dream again. He has allowed me to realize that it’s okay to test out the dreams that I have. We don’t have to get everything right the first time. Thank you Jesus!!!
God has been so kind to me in this season of life to teach me how to breathe. This past year I felt like I was holding my breathe and just recently He showed me that I could release and breathe again. I am so thankful to God for placing me in CGA where I have so much support from my leaders and my housemates. They have encouraged me when I felt like a huge failure. They loved me when I felt ashamed. They pushed me to do things that I didn’t think I had the power to do. It has been a season of empowerment which the Lord knew I needed.
Every morning before class starts each of my classmates and I take time to check in with ourselves to see how we are doing for the day, and then we ask the Lord what He has for us that day. The words He has been speaking over me this past month have been BREATH, LIFE, and RELEASE.
It is quite fitting that He has chosen to speak these words over me because one day in class Ben, our leader, asked us to do listening prayers for the staff at AIM (Adventures In Missions). Listening prayers are where you sit with the Lord and ask Him for a word or picture and then you give it to whoever the Lord is leading you to give it to.
So as I was sitting with the Lord He gave me a picture of a sailboat, and as I was listening to Him He was saying how He welcomes His child onto His sailboat. It’s a place of laughter and fun. He said that there are storms that will come up against the sailboat, but it’s okay because His child is safe with Him in His boat. He said that He would never leave and that His child did not have to be afraid of the calm of the sea.
I asked the Lord what He meant by “you don’t have to be afraid of the calm of the sea”, and He allowed me to realize that when you’ve been out on the sea while it’s storming and then all of a sudden it gets calm then you may be hesitant to believe that the storm is over, and then sit in anxiety just waiting for the next wave to crash.
I was in awe when He said that cause I’d never thought about it that way before. God doesn’t seek to tease us. We can trust Him when the waves are calm. We can trust that His gifts are good, and that He is a good Father.
So when I finished writing it out I asked the Lord who it was for, and He said it was for His daughter who was wearing a black shirt with blues eyes and brown hair. After hearing the description of who this listening prayer was for I headed off to the office where the staff was. Along the way I looked down and slightly laughed realizing that I was wearing a black shirt and have blue eyes and brown hair, but shrugged the idea off that it could be for me because Ben specifically said that we were to do it for the staff. So I continued to walk up to the office. I entered and asked around for someone with the description that the Lord gave me. I looked all over and couldn’t find anyone with that description, so I walked back to the classroom. When I got back some of my classmates asked me how it went, and I told them that I didn’t find the person I was looking for. Ben asked me who I was looking for so I told him the description, and he said, “Do you realize that you are describing yourself?” I shook my head, doubting that it could be for me. So I headed back with a group of girls to the office to look one more time, and as I headed out the door Ben said, “Good luck finding someone who looks exactly like you”, I continued to walk away still doubting that it could be for me. When I got to the office I still didn’t find anyone with the description the Lord gave me. I went home that day thinking of who it could be that God was describing, and as I entered my room I looked and noticed that there were sailboats on my wall above my bed. One was a listening prayer that one of my housemates had given to me a few months back and the other was my personality portrait I made for class and that I had pasted a sailboat to for no reason at all. I stood there and gave God this look of “Really!” So I finally accepted that the listening prayer was for me. I sat down and read it again soaking up the words God has so kindly spoken to me.
A day or two later the Lord gave me another picture which combined the words He had been speaking over me and the listening prayer. He showed me a sailboat that was in the midst of the sea and He was breathing His breath onto the sailboat so that it would soar in the sea and not only stand still. The sailboat was me, and He was telling me that He would breathe His breath upon me and I would move again if I would allow Him to.
I felt so much peace as He gave me that picture.
I’m breathing again and it’s His breath that is sustaining me and allowing me to move once again. Thank you so much Father! Thank you for your breath, thank you for your life, thank you for the permission to release.
***So I leave you with these words:
BREATHE – allow God to fill your lungs with His breath, quit holding it all in.
LIVE – let the breath you are now breathing give you the strength to move and to live again.
RELEASE – stand in your sailboat with God and open up your arms and hands allowing the wind to catch and take away all the things that you no longer need to hold onto.
A song the Lord has shown me for this season is Spirit Lead Me by Influence Music. I highly recommend checking it out!!!
